Conversation with my sister

me: sooo i've been feeling really crappy all day

me: and i can't stop thinking, if i am even pregnant again i am gonna be SO PISSED

her: hhahahaha, oh my god, that'd be crazy. but i would still love you and your new little baby

me: yes, and if by some insane chance i were actually pregnant i would love another baby just as much as my other kids, but seriously, THIS JOKE ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE, GOD

her: hahaha, God loves your uterus!

her: do you have any tests?

me: i don't!

me: i usually do, but i'm all out

her: bummer!!

her: they're expensive!!

me: just think how great i'll look in line at cvs, just me, a pregnancy test, and three kids

her: ahahha,

me: and a giant box of condoms

her: hahah, and a vasectomy!

me: yes

her: too bad you cant just pick those up!

me: one of those do-it-yourself home vasectomy kits

her: haha, that sounds DANGEROUS!

me: buy one, get a free bag of frozen peas

her: and a bottle of booze for aaron

me: yes

her: so do you really think you could be?

me: i would be very, very, very surprised

me: if aaron's magical sperm could somehow get through a condom, my birth control pill, AND breastfeeding hormones

me: which supposedly suppress ovulation

me: but my fertility defies all logic

her: holy f balls, that'd be ridiculous!!

her: i really think that would be impossible! but impossible=david haha

me: yes

me: on the plus side, i'll always be able to say to my children, no, seriously, don't have sex until you're married

me: you might think it's safe, but IT'S NEVER SAFE

her: hahaha

her: this is TRUE!

me: because if heredity holds true, their sperm will be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound

her: SUPER SPERM duh duh daaaa!

Seriously, internet: does every married or, you know, sexually active woman get that panicky feeling every time she feels a little queasy? Or am I just really, really paranoid? (And c'mon, can you blame me?)