This morning Aaron asked me if I'd fix something for dinner that involved "maybe some vegetables?"

Right, like spaghetti sauce ISN'T A VEGETABLE.

Seriously, I know I'm eating like a sick pregnant woman, but I guess I should stop feeding my family as if they're all sick pregnant women, too. Maybe I could cook something involving some protein or, yes, some vegetables.

But come on. Dude doesn't understand the beauty of the relationship between a pregnant woman and her potatoes. And pasta. And, erm, cheese.

Also biscuits. With potatoes on them.

This deep relationship with starches didn't just happen, though. I had such high hopes for this pregnancy! Such dreams! Such delusions about staying on Weight Watchers, or at least something close to Weight Watchers, something that involved more than one food group - and it worked for, like, a week! Maybe two! But gradually, as I got pregnanter (yes pregnanter) and the percentage of Times Just Brushing My Teeth Made Me Barf increased, foods made from actual food groups started seeming less and less like something I could actually keep down. The first to go was protein because, did you know, most protein foods start out as raw meat?? I have to tell you about the commercials now, because every single time I turn on the tv there is another steakhouse commercial on, the sort of steakhouse commercial that features slabs of uncooked steaks being flopped on big fiery grills and WHY DO THESE EATERIES THINK THAT PEOPLE WILL BE APPETIZED BY LOOKING AT SLABS OF RAW MEAT? WHY?? Because what happens is, I turn on the tv to watch Ellen or whatever and instead there is this MEAT looking at me and I have to put my head under a pillow until the words "Flo's Fillet" have stopped blaring at me from the screen and it's safe to emerge.

Anyway, sometime after all the protein foods had disappeared from my diet, all the vegetables started creeping away to join them, because the thing about vegetables is, when you throw them up, they're green. Also, they require a lot more chewing than what's involved in slurping down a bowl of pasta, and chewing takes way too much energy right now. Because people, I am pregnant. And I am tired.

Just so you know, I am cooking chicken and vegetables for my family for dinner, made with real live food groups, and I hope they enjoy it. I myself will be having a potato.